The Local: Spring Ramblings of a True Eugenian
The Local: Too weird to live, too rare to die.
Hey man! I thought that was you. What brings you to Skinner Butte? I was hanging out over in the parking lot and thought I recognized that goofy haircut of yours. Did you walk up to the top yet? It’s a pretty sweet view, isn’t it. Me? Oh, you know, I’m just up here admiring the view and enjoying some spastic dance therapy. That music you hear over on the other end of the pavement? That’s a concentric world music CD, makes for great dance therapy. I picked it up from some guy passing through town, said he was saving money to bike all the way to Europe or something. Not sure how he’s going to bike there, but at least he’s got a dream, am I right? So, what’s been going on? How was your winter? Good I hope. I took a pretty hard fall in the terrain park at Willy P after we spoke last. Knocked a few of my brain cells out of my ears on a down rail but I think I’m okay. Other than that, I had a great season.
The weather’s really warming up now though, isn’t it—you been getting into any good outdoor adventures lately? Me and my buds have been hanging out at The Columns when the sun’s out. It’s nice this time of year, the rock’s cool, dry, and doesn’t burn off your fingerprints. Also, everyone there seems to really dig that world music CD, which is nice. Hey, can you actually tell what routes you’re climbing over there? I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s what, someone needs to tell the city we need a new route sign over there ASAP. They owe it to us for throwing that fencing all over a perfectly good section of rock. Still can’t believe they did that. A few loose rocks at the local crag and everyone loses their minds!
Have you been biking out at Thurston yet? My friend Chubb has been riding the singletrack over there and says it’s been a good start to the season. Me? Nah, I don’t actually bike. Bum ankle bones, pedaling all day makes my feet swell up like balloons. Turmeric does wonders for them when that happens, though. Anyone told you about turmeric? Anyway, Chubb’s actually building a little shack in the woods out there in Thurston to chill at on weekends. I can’t tell you where that’s at though, you’ll have to pass Chubb’s vibe test for that information. A few tall boys of Rainier should do the trick, so be prepared if you plan on trying to get the details from him.
So what else is new? Been doing anything fun around town? Me? I’ve been checking out the free wine tastings around town. Chubb, that guy I mentioned earlier, made a map of all the ones in town, and there are a lot. Those old hippies got a taste for it, and the town knows it. You wouldn’t believe the amount of cheese they’ll just let you have at these things. No King Estate wine for me though, I’d rather be dry and sober than drink that guy’s stuff.
Oh, before I forget: My band is playing at a secret house party later this evening if you’re looking for something to do. I wrote the address on my hand, here, take a photo of it! Nah, it’s not the jam band… we’re not really talking right now. That was an argument over some bad grilled cheeses and who was to blame that didn’t go so great. Who would’ve thought cheese would go bad so fast on the counter. Oh well, I’m sure it’ll pass. I’m in a new band now though, we’re called “Tin Can Man and the Dirty Band.” We run all our sound through an actual tin can before it hits the speaker, it’s wild brother. Come by tonight and grab a CD, I’ll throw in a few stickers for free. The gang’s going to hang out after the show too if you wanna buy us an extra drink or two after. Alright buddy, I gotta run and start prepping for the big night. Either way, hope I’ll see you around The Columns soon. Bring your harness and be ready to belay me. You look like you could use the practice.